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PLEASE READ THIS!
1. TicketAssassin Shareware
2. Registration Agreement
3. Registration and Membership
4. Payment Instructions
1. What is the TicketAssassin Shareware?
My TicketAssassin Shareware is an arsenal of forms, examples
and guidelines I’ve assembled to help you fight your
ticket via Trial By Written Declaration, a process you can
do entirely by mail. This collection includes specific court
documents needed to contest your case, dozens of examples,
and comprehensive, easy-to-follow directions and guidelines
for their proper use.
My Shareware will help you construct the best possible argument
in the shortest amount of time. It will help you in your fight
to win your case.
2. Registration Agreement
My Shareware is only available to those who have registered
on my registration page. When you register, I will e-mail
you a members-only link to my Shareware. This is
a courtesy extended in good faith to all new members. I trust
in the honesty and good will of our members to pay their membership
fee per our agreement.
By registering, you agree to pay the $25 membership fee
within 10 days of registration.
Once we receive your membership fee, you will receive an
email confirming receipt of your payment. This email contains
a special, members-only email address, available exclusively
to TicketAssassin Members. I answer email sent to this address
promptly (usually within a day).
Only paid members have direct e-mail access to me, the TicketAssassin.
Since every case is unique, your ability to ask me questions
about using my Shareware to fight your case is often vital
to your success. Paid members have the best chance of winning:
they get the best information and support and their karma
is pure.
3. Registration and Membership
TicketAssassin Member Benefits (what you
get for $25)
TicketAssassin Members get the following services for one
year:
| 1 |
Unlimited Access to my "Put a Hit on Your Ticket"
Shareware |
| 2 |
Unlimited Access to my Shareware Annex (new examples
and strategies) |
| 3 |
Expert answers to your questions with detailed guidance
on contesting your ticket via mail, including all necessary
court forms |
| 4 |
Detailed Examples of successful written declarations
for the most common moving violations: speeding, stop
signs, and red lights (including automated enforcement) |
| 5 |
Priority E-mail access to me, the Ticket Assassin, as
you fight your ticket |
After* I receive your shareware fee, you will receive an email
confirming receipt of payment. This email contains a special,
members-only email address, available exclusively to TicketAssassin
Members. (Email sent to this address will be answered quickly
(usually within a day).
As a TicketAssassin Member, you membership fee supports my
website. As such, I will support and encourage your fight
to win your case. My ten years of experience in fighting traffic
tickets is at your disposal, including ongoing research into
contesting strategies.
Ultimately, our registration agreement is based upon the
Honor System and is enforced by your own good character, conscience
and belief system, and will be enforced by Universal Karma.
* - If you're paying at night, give us until the next day to
send you your receipt of payment. If it's on the weekend, give us longer. We, too, have lives. :-)
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Specific Reasons to
Honor our Shareware Agreement
for Various Faiths
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| Christians: Thou shalt
not steal. We understand that this is one of the Ten Commandments,
applicable to both Christians and Jews. To violate this
commandment is a mortal sin. You might go to hell for
that, unless you're Catholic, in which case there is the
possibility of Purgatory. Purgatory is a lot like Barstow,
California: hot, boring, full of decrepit trailers. Enough
said.
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| Jews: See above. Please
be a mensch not a putz. |
| Hindus: Instant Karma's
gonna get you if you do not honor our shareware accord.
You will reincarnate as a bacon double-cheeseburger eaten
by a hillbilly. He will bite into your cooked flesh with
bad teeth while he fantasizes about his cousin's bodacious
Ta-Ta's. Remember, despite his many nimble arms, Ganesh
was not a thief. Please follow his example. |
| Moslems: There is one
god, Allah, and Mohammed is his prophet. Mohammed did
not steal. Why should you? |
| Buddhists: The bad karma
accumulated by theft will, at minimum, delay your Enlightenment.
Do you want to reincarnate as a hell being or hungry ghost?
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| Agnostics: There may or
may not be a God monitoring your conduct. Why risk it?
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| Atheists: Ok, so you believe
that there is no God. You believe that man is a wise animal
and should be judged by the sum of his actions and words.
How do you want to be remembered: as a thieving dung-flinging
monkey or as an honorable monkey like Dr.
Zaius? |
| Paranoid people: We know
where you live. And since you visited our site, we now
know every site you visited before this one. Yes, we have
your cookies, pervert. All we have learned about you will
remain secret, as long as your honor our deal. |
But seriously friends, if you don't pay, I can’t continue
to offer this service. I've spent a lot of time and expense
and effort developing this website and creating these forms
to help you fight your ticket. I hope that my Shareware encourages
you and other Californians to contest their unfair citations
easily and successfully.
Please support Ticketassassin.com by paying the membership
fee when you register to use our shareware forms and site
content to fight your ticket. Thanks for your support!
4. Payment Instructions
Where do I send the money?
You can pay by Paypal, Google Checkout, or by check.
| Paypal: |
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Google Checkout
(preferred) |
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To pay by check or money order, please make it out to "Patrick Mulroy"
at:
TicketAssassin
P.O. Box 170665
San Francisco, CA 94117-0665
Be SURE to include your email address with your payment!
Thanks for your support!
Warm Regards,
Patrick Mulroy
Ticket Assassin
continue to registration
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